A sabbatical in pastoral ministry is not like a sabbatical in the academic world. The challenges and stresses inherent in the rhythms of ministry lead to different needs for an extended sabbath time. The emotional and spiritual demands of ministry led me to need emotional and spiritual renewal. The idealism with which I discerned a call to ministry 15 years ago has been challenged and tempered by the very human realities of living in a broken world and a very human church, and the rude discovery of my own limits and shortcomings. I needed a sabbatical to discern the ground of my faith and ministry again, and to re-assess the call. This kind of deep discernment is so foundational that it is not possible without a break. I was only able to discern with integrity after some good sleep, and with the help of my spiritual director Tim Scorer, spiritual companions, times of retreat, and a set of core questions posed by Tim. I want to tell you about the questions.

More than anything else, the twelve good questions offered structured accountability for the work of discernment. They assume my intention to live life and ministry "centred in God." They assume that ministry is, at its root, about engaging the big questions of living. They assume that our personalities and the external world will conspire to help us avoid living the big questions centred in God. They assume that life is complicated and involves compromises and trade-offs that can weigh upon the soul. These questions became for me like the friend who insists I get past the surface answers and deal honestly with any issues of ego, unhealthy habits, and patterns of avoidance that sabotage my best intentions in life and ministry. They assume that if only we will trust God enough to be real, God will lead us to a grace filled transformation.

I processed the questions with Tim, with others I asked along on the journey and in my journal. I experienced such a fierce joy at having time and space to face the question of call again that renewal came. I was very up front with the congregation about my intention to evaluate my call. Needless to say, they wanted to hear back. A small group were interested enough in the twelve questions as "life questions," that they chose to gather for five discussion sessions centred around these questions, revised and re-ordered.

As with ministry, we can never know what God will do when we open ourselves intentionally. For me, these questions, along with conversations with and friends, were a wonderful vehicle for this opening.